Stop Your Destructive Inner Voice
by Christopher Green
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Destructive self-talk and how to stop it. Stress. Depression.
Anxiety. They’re powerful words that conjure up all kinds of images and
prejudices in our minds. People who suffer from these illnesses find it
hard to cope with life. They can feel deeply unhappy, they can find no joy
in anything life has to offer, and of course, their levels of self-esteem,
confidence and self-respect plummet.
But how can this happen to someone?Let’s concentrate on how these
illnesses affect the way we value the self. Of all of the destructive
patterns of behavior these illnesses cause, the way a sufferer talks to
the self is the fuel that maintains their illness.
I have experienced depression from two sides. For 5 years, a series of
traumatic events triggered a personal nightmare I believed would never
end. One of these events came when my lover was diagnosed with depression.
At this time, I too had entered into the spiral of anxiety-induced
depression. Both of these experiences have given me an insight into how
sufferers destroy any value of the self.
Let me give a couple of examples. With my partner, if I’d arranged an
evening out with friends, she’d say:
“No, I won’t come, you go without me. I never have anything interesting
to say. I just bore people. They’ll find me an effort to be with. I’ll
stay here.”
If I made a mistake, I’d say to myself:
“I’m useless. I’m no good at anything. Everything I do I get wrong.
”This self-deprecation then spreads into other areas of life. You begin
to criticize the way you look, the decisions you make or don’t make, and
you focus solely on the downside of life. Each time a little bit of
self-worth, a little bit of self-respect and a little bit of
self-confidence are eroded. Eventually, they are lost completely. When I
reached my lowest point, having lost everything and everyone I loved, I’d
say to myself:
“If I died tomorrow, no one would know and no one would care.”
So, what helped me to come out of the fog?Well, the reason I thought
I’d become depressed was because of a series of traumatic events occurring
at the same time. I was wrong. The root cause of my depression lay in the
ways I reacted to them. One of the ways I’d reacted was to blame myself
for events I couldn’t control. The more I blamed myself, the more I beat
myself up. The more I beat myself up, the more my self-esteem decreased.
The phrases I have used to briefly illustrate self-deprecating phrases
we continually use against the self are mild. I’m sure you realize that
many people use much stronger phrases than I’ve given here. The point is
that these phrases would be totally unacceptable to say to others. You
wouldn’t tell a person that they were boring, an effort to be with and
that everyone found their company dull and it would be better for everyone
else if they kept away from people.
Agreed?
Yet, if I say to people:
“Pay yourself compliments. Accentuate your good in all areas of your
life. Write down your good points, your triumphs, your achievements.
Remind yourself as often as possible about all the good you have done.”
They look at me like I’m an alien and say they’d feel stupid. Or
uncomfortable. Or even embarrassed.
Yet they don’t feel any of these emotions when they talk to themselves
using emotionally charged, self-deprecating phrases! And like rust upon
metal, these phrases gradually erode our self-esteem and our confidence.
OK, here’s the bottom-line. I’d like you to inscribe what you are about
to read into your mind over and over again until it is permanently etched
there:
It is NEVER acceptable to talk to myself in a way I know is
inappropriate and even offensive if I spoke in the same way to others.
Time for me to sign off, but before I do, here’s a phrase I say to
myself every single day without fail. Please use it, it is very powerful:
“If you put yourself down, down is where you will stay.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Chris Green is the author of the new book “Conquering Stress”, a
special program which will show you how to conquer stressful illnesses
such as depression, anxiety, panic and worry permanently and without
taking powerful drugs. For more information, please click here.
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