Can Men And Women Be Friends?
by Michael Ferrell
zone3
Or When Harry Met Sally Did He Really Just Want to Jump Her Bones?
Men and women can't really be just friends, can they? Of course
not. There’s always that pesky sexual tension to contend with. And what
about the spouse, spousal equivalent, or boyfriend/girlfriend who’s sure
to be jealous? Plus, there’s the biological/sociological nesting
imperative that women contend with and the hunting imperative that seems
to drive men.
A number of years ago, a landmark study published by
Dr. Don O'Meara, a sociology professor at Raymond Walters College,
identified the following four key obstacles to the success of male-female
friendships
· The inability to define the relationship
· A
fear of confronting feelings of sexual attraction
· The inability
of both partners to see each other as equals
· Society’s response
to a non-romantic relationship
(This is all of the above rolled
into one: What’s going on here? Who do they think they are? They just
won’t admit that they’re hot for each other!)
Let’s face it, when
you come right down to it – there are just too many impediments and too
many inherent differences between the sexes for cross-gender friendship to
work. Right?
Wrong, wrong, and double-wrong – at least in today’s
world.
Fifty years ago, when Harry met Sally, he was a breadwinner
who worked outside the home and she was a stay-at-home mom (or
stay-at-home spinster). Harry and Sally had very little in common and very
few opportunities to explore their commonality. Their paths never crossed
except at a church social, perhaps, or in situations that were
specifically created to foster romance and, by extension, procreation and
the continuation of the species. (Not the stuff sonnets are made of,
perhaps, but good for society.)
That was then. This is now.
21st Century men and women follow their passions inside and
outside the home and stand shoulder to shoulder as equals in most
situations. In 2002, Harry and Sally work side by side at the office. They
argue head-to-head at the boardroom table. They run hip to hip on the
jogging trail. They may not see eye to eye on every issue, but they freely
debate them in Internet chatrooms.
So today, not only do Harry and
Sally have a solid foundation of shared interests on which to build a real
friendship, they also have time and space to pursue a cross-gender
friendship and a society that encourages them to do so. In fact, experts
tell us that in today’s world, men and women in platonic friendships enjoy
dozens and dozens of benefits from their relationships.
Interestingly, men seem to get more out of cross-sex friendship.
In a study by a psychologist in private practice on Long Island in New
York State, men rated cross-sex friendships higher in overall quality than
their same-sex friendships. Men reported they most enjoyed talking and
sharing with women - something they didn’t do with male friends.
All that sharing that men find so appealing – organic though it
may be to women -- can be a bit of a drain, so les femmes say they turn to
les hommes for a different dynamic. With men, women say they enjoy the
lightness of not having to carry someone else’s emotional ‘baggage.’ Women
may also derive a sense of safety and protection from their male platonic
friends – much as they might from a big brother. Interestingly, women say
the chance to learn ‘what guys are REALLY thinking” is the number 1
benefit of cross-gender friendship.
So does Harry WANT Sally? You
bet. But if he can’t have her ‘that way,’ friendship will do quite nicely,
thank you!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Michae Ferrell is the creator of Perfect Love Letters. Romantic love
letter templates that you can personalize for any occassion at
www.perfectloveletters.com
Men's Issues Related Articles:
 Can Men And Women Be Friends?
Men's Handbags
Suffering From Andropause?
A Close Shave without the nicks and cuts
Domestic Violence: The Fact Behind The Myths
Fabulous Fun... Snowboarding for Women (or men!)
Last Longer in Bed Without Doing Anything! A Relaxation Technique for Premature Ejaculation
Sexy Lingerie - Buying Tips For Men and Women
Men's Jewelry: It's Not Just for Women Anymore
Stretch Marks Can Affect All Of Us
|
Go to Page: 