No is a Complete Sentence
by Catherine
A. Bruns
zone3
Almost all the women I’ve worked with have trouble saying no.
It’s a common issue for us females as we’ve been generally raised and
socialized to please and fit in. Often times we associate saying no with
horrible consequences – the ending of relationships, anger, someone not
liking us – and so there’s a little bit (or even a huge amount) of fear
associated with saying no. Do you have trouble saying no?
... we feel like we have to explain our entire life’s situation
just to make saying no OK.
Here’s a revolutionary idea – NO is a great freedom producing,
boundary setting, taking care of myself kind of word, and, there is no
need for excuses when I say no! Believe it? If you’re skeptical or
know already that saying no is not your greatest strength, then read on
for the 5 easy ways to incorporate saying no in your life. Bumper sticker
– NO = freedom!
1. Determine when to say NO. Believe it or not women so
regularly say yes, that they’re not so clear when to say no. Figuring this
out requires you to listen to yourself. When someone asks you to do
something or asks you for something, check with your Self - is this
something you want to do or give? Most times when we’re listening we can
clearly hear a resounding yes or no from our Self. If you’re not sure,
then it’s OK to say ‘I don’t know’ and then get back to that person when
you do.
2. Just say NO. Go ahead, say it. Someone asks you for lunch.
You’re really not that interested for whatever reason. Say no. OK, maybe
you want to fluff it up a bit so it’s no so cold sounding. How ‘bout:
- Unfortunately I’m just not available for get-togethers right now
- Thanks for asking, but I can’t commit to that right now
- I appreciate your thought, but I’m not planning lunches out right
now
3. Resist the urge to explain. While there may be times when an
explanation is useful or necessary, often times we simply give way more
information than we need in hopes that it will soften the NO. Most of the
time you don’t have to give an explanation at all.
4. Repeat yourself like a broken record. When you begin to say
no there are some people in your life who won’t believe you. You may get
challenged as to why you cannot or will not do something. Remember, you do
not need to explain. Saying no is enough. Just repeat your initial
statement – over and over if necessary.
5. State what you are willing to do (if anything). If you feel
that you can respond with an alternative then do so; however, it is not
necessary. Make sure that if you offer an alternative it is something that
you truly are OK with and you are not offering it as a way to feel better
about saying NO.
6. Bonus Tip! Leave emotion out of it. Sometimes we may feel
angry that people ask us for things or won’t take no for an answer.
Consider this – you have trained these people how to treat you! Really,
you have. They may be rude people, but it is you who are allowing the
behavior to continue. It’s not fair to get angry at the people you’ve so
considerately trained. Just consistently say no, without anger, and you’ll
train them to your new boundaries.
Here’s a sample, just in case you’re still not sure how this
works.
A – Hi Bea. I’m calling because I need some help on the school
fundraising committee and you’ve been so helpful before. Our meeting is
tomorrow; will you be there?
Bea – No, I won’t be there, but I wish you well in fundraising this
year.
A – Well, I was really hoping that you could take over the coordination
this year. You’re so good at it and none of the other parents have time.
You’re my last hope.
Bea – Thanks for the compliment, but I can’t take that on this year.
A – I just don’t know what I’ll do then. I’ve talked with everyone else
and you’re the only person I know who will do a good job.
Bea – I appreciate your confidence and I can’t help with fundraising
this year. I’d be happy give Jane a call and see if she’s interested.
She’s really good at organization.
A – Well, OK. I’m just sorry you don’t want to be involved.
Bea – OK then, I’ll call Jane now and have her call you if she’s
interested. Thanks for calling.
Maya Angelou said it well – “I've learned that you shouldn't go
through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to
throw some things back."
Got it? Great! Saying NO is one of the best ways that a woman can
take care of herself. While you may feel that saying no is selfish, it
really is about taking extraordinary care of yourself. If you are not
taking care of yourself, then you just don’t have it to give to others –
you can’t water a garden with an empty bucket!
So go out now and practice. If this is a big issue for you, then
find some easy folks to say no to. Then, practice, practice, practice. You
will develop your own words and phrases that are comfortable for you. It
will get easier, just like learning any new skill. There really is
power in just saying NO!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
© 2005 Catherine A. Bruns. This article may be reprinted in full with
the following attached: Life Coach Catherine Bruns coaches women to
achieve great success in their personal and professional lives. For more
information visit http://www.coachbalance.com/
Men's Issues Related Articles:
 Can Men And Women Be Friends?
Men's Handbags
Suffering From Andropause?
A Close Shave without the nicks and cuts
Domestic Violence: The Fact Behind The Myths
Fabulous Fun... Snowboarding for Women (or men!)
Last Longer in Bed Without Doing Anything! A Relaxation Technique for Premature Ejaculation
Sexy Lingerie - Buying Tips For Men and Women
Men's Jewelry: It's Not Just for Women Anymore
Stretch Marks Can Affect All Of Us
|
Go to Page: 