Are You Codependent or Independent?

Both codependency and counterdependency are an internal defense systems that shield and protect from past wounds of abandonment. They both are dysfunctional and lead the codependent person down a tattered road of unfulfillment and eventually depression.

Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our self worth isa concept that we all can relate to? Sacrificing what ourthoughts, emotions, decisions, and likes or dislikes are, forthe betterment of someone else’s.

It is as if depending on the other person who you hold sohigh is more fulfilling then standing alone, independent ofthe other. It’s root resides in a past when a person didn’trealize they really had wings that could fly. Therefore, forfear of abandonment, they suppressed their own self worth,avoided confrontation, and then continued to please whothey were dependent upon.

In contrast, the counterdependent person who has someonecodependent towards them, is pretending that they don’tneed anyone else and have concluded that people only needthem.

Both codependency and counterdependency are an internaldefense systems that shield and protect from past woundsof abandonment. They both are dysfunctional and lead thecodependent person down a tattered road of unfulfillmentand eventually depression.

Perhaps, it could be said that all of us are, to some degree,dependent upon others because, after all, we are socialcreatures who inevitably need each other in some capacity.

However, when it saps your very core of enjoying the giftof life God gave you, then the sun never rises and thedarkness only gets darker.

We came into this world alone and we will also leave thatway!

Inner strength comes from a true respect and love foryourself, no matter what the situation or condition is. Although, deep within many of our wounded souls, thatlove is not strong and therefore self respect is not properlyattained.

This is where your deep-seated self-worth is obtained andhow you perceive yourself. In addition, it is the weakenedaura you emit to others see you that is not totally erect, butsomewhat wilted.

Many of our true societal problems, whether they areinsecurity, control issues, codependency, addictions,manipulative personality disorder, seclusion, or simpleanger, stemmed from a lack of self love, self worth, andself respect.Hence, people replace one problem for the another!

If you are lonely inside and do not feel as though you canlove the real you, then any and all subsequent relationshipswill feel that same inner turmoil until your inside is trulyloved!

These social problems listed above can intertwine,commingle and cross each other’s boundaries in a veryinsidious manner.

There is not one issue more serious than the other, they aremore or less on an equal plane and being dependent onanother, is certainly no exception.

By not allowing one’s self-worth to be determined byanother’s perceptions, by not feeling that being loved byanother is conditional on living up to the expectations ofothers, or merely pleasing them, is absolutely critical tohealthy functioning!

Taking full accountability for the way you feel instead ofothers making that discerning determination allows you tobe self dependent, kicks out the crutch, and makes youstand alone.

As scary as that may seem to some, it is by far the best wayto perceive your self-worth. Trusting that you can ownyour own emotions, whether they are anger, happiness,setting boundaries, or leaving, is how we can come to theserene life we always dreamed of as a child.

These decisions and self-adjustments for the better can bemade! It takes a personal acceptance and a subsequent lovefor yourself: then the fragile person previously tethering bya string, is now firmly tied unto itself, immersed in selfconfidence and independent, not codependent.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com Want to improve your personal values? Get high-quality-relationship advice from a 'Logical' standpoint. Visit http://valueprep.com/. Attn Ezine editors / Site Owners - Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or on your website as long as you leave all links in place.

Women's Issues - Articles and Resources

Are You Codependent or Independent?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR