Are You Trying too Hard to Be Happy?
by Carna
Zacharias-Miller
zone3
We all want to be happy. However, if a woman pushes herself to
emotional and mental exhaustion in order to reach “perfect” happiness, she
could suffer from a condition she probably has never heard of: Missing
Mother Syndrome.
When Megan Meadows (not her real name) came to me, she just wanted to
lose weight. “Look at me!” she shouted, pinching her thighs. “I am fat! I
am ugly! I hate my body!” Well, there was some middle-age spread, but she
certainly was a very nice looking woman. Where did all this self-hate come
from?
I am a Meridian Therapy practitioner who uses EFT, a form of emotional
acupressure, to release negative emotions. Tapping with the fingertips on
certain energy points on the body while being “tuned in” to the problem,
does stop food cravings. EFT is quite successful when it comes to weight
loss. However, I realized that Megan’s real challenges went far deeper
than what she perceived right now as her “big” problem. She mentioned that
her mom had recently died, and that brought up the sad story of her
childhood. ”I didn’t have a mother”, Megan said. “She was always gone, and
when she was there, she tried to create the little girl of her dreams -
she did not want me. I was a very lonely child.”
The way I saw it, Megan has been suffering all her life from “Missing
Mother Syndrome”.
When Hope Edelman published her book "Motherless Daughters – The Legacy
of Loss” in 1994, everyone who belonged to the secret sisterhood of women
traumatized by early mother loss, had a revelation: That's exactly how I
feel - and I am not alone!
Growing up without the secure presence of a loving, supportive mother
implies much more than lacking a same-sex role model. It is devastating.
Since the mother is the first, the basic caretaker, losing her -in a
physical or emotional way- starts a nightmare of deprivation for a child.
In a way, it never ends. Many negative conditions and feelings experienced
later in life may have their roots in this extremely traumatic
experience.
You could suffer from “Missing Mother Syndrome” if you experience the
following conditions on a regular basis:
You feel lost, out of place, and unsafe in this world
There is an
underlying sadness in your life, even if nothing is wrong
You tend to
feel lonely and depressed, especially at other people's "Happy Family"
gatherings
You hate your body or are unsure about "being a woman"
You have abandonment or anger issues that hurt your relationships
You experience social stress - You either try to stay invisible, or
you have a compulsion to be in the limelight
Any major crisis in your
life, like a divorce, job loss, or bereavement, throws you right back into
the painful past
There is a lot of fear, anxiety, or even guilt and
shame in your life
You feel homesick without knowing where "home" is
You are trying too hard to be happy and "perfect"
You take
rejection very personally
You believe that everybody else gets their
act together - except for you
With tapping, deep seated negative emotions and painful memories are
brought to the surface and released – fast and with little additional
distress. Gary Craig, the founder of EFT: “EFT has a high success rate
with trauma and abuse issues, especially when applied to specific events.”
Happiness is not a single, solid “thing” one can chase down doggedly,
obtain and possess. It is rather a fluid quality that evolves naturally,
when the obstructions that keep it from being are dissolved. Childhood
trauma is certainly one of the main obstructions. Sometimes, a condition
that is obvious, is not the real problem. To recognize that “Missing
Mother Syndrome” is the underlying cause of never feeling “right”, can be
the first step on a woman’s Healing Journey.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Carna Zacharias-Miller, EFT-CC, EFT-ADV, is a spiritual writer and EFT
(Emotional Freedom Techniques) practitioner in Florida. She offers live
and telephone sessions. Her specialty is helping “Motherless Daughters” to
release the painful past and heal their hearts. E-Mail: info@missingmother.com Website:
http://www.missingmother.com/
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