Evolution of Independence
by Stella Ramsaroop
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I have not always been so strongly affirming of women's rights. In
fact, I grew up in a very conservative home where, even though my mother
was a single parent, the expectation to conform to the ideals of the
church was very evident on a daily basis. I did rebel, though not in the
way most would think. I didn't go out to drink and party. I rebelled by my
rejection of 1) the ideals and notions of the church concerning women (and
many other points as well), and 2) the notion that everything the church
had to say was truth. In fact, if I didn't reject the infallibility of the
church I would have never been able to reject its dogma. So from a
young age I rejected the social values set for me concerning traditional
feminine roles. I wouldn't accept that I was any less intelligent or
capable than the males around me. It just simply was not part of my make
up. I didn't even entertain those ideas long enough to let them flourish.
Instead, I would get upset each time an outward manifestation of these
expectations was displayed. It would infuriate me when I was put down so
that a male could be honored – simply because he was a male and I was not.
Natural EvolutionDuring these times though, I never really made a big
stink about my feelings. I had other things to deal with in life – as do
most urban dwelling children. However, as I matured and began thinking for
myself, it was obvious to me that I could never be the type of woman who
would follow these traditional feminine roles. It would be dishonest of me
to not mention my many attempts to comply with conservative thought and
practice. Nevertheless, each attempt left me more miserable than the one
before.Even years of marriage and motherhood didn't extract my independent
spirit. The evolution of my independence was uncomfortable in this
conservative environment, so it felt bulky and awkward at times, but it
has become one of the most stunning traits of my individuality. Therefore,
this so-called “feminist” attitude was not something forced upon me by
some Amazon women, as most conservatives would like to believe, rather it
was the natural evolution of my own spirit and potential.This is not the
type of independence that forgoes the love of a man or shuns social
interactions with others. In fact, I love my man and adore socializing.
The definition of this type of independence would be the exact opposite of
dependence. In other words, I am complete without a man. I do not need to
have a man in my life to take care of me, to protect me or to think for
me. I can do all of that on my own - contrary to what the church has
taught women. Having a man who loves me and whom I love just makes life
even sweeter. SunflowersThis state of independence is a great place to be
for any woman to be. There is no desperation or neediness, so I am able to
enjoy my relationship based on intimacy and friendship. This also frees my
man up from feeling like he has to be my world. I can't imagine how much
pressure men must feel when they have to be a woman's world. And the poor
women! They are so lonely most of the time (since their man has a job and
a life outside the house). These women spend most of their days feeling
isolated and empty. Oh, that women would allow their independence to
bloom. There is so much beauty that comes from a woman whose completion
comes from a well-rounded life. It's time to reject the traditional roles
we watched our mothers perform so obediently. It's time to be our own
woman with our own dreams and pursuits in life. It’s time to relax and
enjoy our time with our partners without all the pressure and despair of a
relationship built on dependence. Independence and solid relationships are
not mutually exclusive terms. In fact, they have proven to make quite a
dynamic combination.My favorite flower is the sunflower because when you
see one all by itself, it’s beauty is staggering. It stands tall and
reaches for the sun. It is strong and gorgeous at the same time. It
doesn’t need anything else to make it more beautiful. Still, if you see
that same sunflower in a field in Kansas with acres and acres of these
brilliant yellow flowers all around it, the beauty is multiplied and
overwhelming. I believe every woman is a sunflower. We are beautiful in
our independence and that beauty is multiplied when we share our
independence with those around us.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Stella Ramsaroop is a western world traveler, a life-long student, a
wanna-be stargazer, and an Aquarius in all its forms (if you know what
that means). Her articles emphasize the importance of the continued
development and protection of gender equality in all aspects of a woman's
life.Stella is also the proud mother of four almost-grown children with
her significant other Paul, whom she married almost 20 years ago.Visit
Stella’s Website.
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